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This cycle of abuse can only be broken by the people directly involved in the situation. No one can step in and make a permanent difference unless both parties involved (or at the very least the abused) are emotionally and mentally prepared for a permanent change.
Anyone who has ever tried to break a bad habit or create a new habit knows that 90% of this process happens in the mind and had almost nothing to do with external factors. And yes... this is much easier said than done!
PTSD is a tricky thing, especially if you have no idea what it is or what some of the symptoms are. I guess in that way I was lucky because I grew up surrounded by the Army and fascinated with psychology, so I had some ideas and knew a little bit about what PTSD looks like.
Even then, it took me a long time to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.
I spent a lot of time wondering why I was unhappy when I was married. I had everything I'd wanted... I was a mommy, didn't have to work outside the home, got to write in my spare time, published a book at 19, and had a very intelligent and attractive husband. So what was wrong with the picture? Was I just so immature that I couldn't be in a real relationship? Was I bored? The mistake I was making every time I thought like this was that I was looking for ways that I could fix it... it didn't occur to me until later that the problem wasn't me.... It was him.
The deadline for the 2014 domestic violence anthology is fast approaching - only three weeks left! I'm not sure yet, but I may have to extend the deadline again, which is okay but makes the time crunch that much more difficult. As a one-woman operation, anyone can imagine how intense being a single mom and following your dreams at the same time can be.
The SV anthology has always been a passion project, which makes it that much more important for it to get out there and succeed! 70% of proceeds go to a domestic violence charity or women's shelter, although it's been a lingering idea to start my own non-profit specifically for people who have survived DV to get back on their feet and follow their own calling. None of that is possible without funding, so here we go again to try to make some money!
Nothing happens without people pulling together and speaking out. The Soul Vomit anthology is one way to do so.
If you saw someone react to you the way this woman looks in the photo on the left, what would you do? Would you even be aware that it's wrong to instill this much fear in another human being? What if that human being was a child? Would you continue with your barrage or would you stop and recognize that your inner monster is showing? (Yes, that was a reference to Dexter, my latest Netflix addiction.)
When you ask yourself these questions, you can determine whether the relationship you're in is a healthy one or not. To get your copy of this helpful book, click on the link to the left and learn how to recognize a bad relationship =).
The first thing that struck me about this was that they didn't seem to care about the woman being attacked by her ex... they were more worried about the unpaid towing bills. Apparently $600 worth of unpaid towing bills from a woman who was set on fire and hospitalized is more important than the fact that her ex - who I guarantee was abusive and pissed about the "ex" label - was the one who set her on fire. What the hell????
Full story here - Huffington Post.
I once felt like a blob of gray: no shape, no color, no personality, no voice. I was so busy trying to be what someone else wanted me to be that I completely lost myself. And no, it wasn’t by choice – it was by force.
Though it didn’t seem like it at the time, I was being controlled, manipulated, and abused into being someone I clearly wasn’t happy being. I was often manipulated into doing things I didn’t want to do in order to keep this person happy – aka not angry – and my life was lived in constant fear and anxiety.
There have been many heartaches and lessons over the years. Domestic violence isn’t anything to joke about, laugh about, or take lightly… But the things I know about myself now that I didn’t before are priceless.
Read the full article on The Revered Review.
Domestic violence isn’t anything new or newly revealed. The sad thing is, it’s been around for centuries and far too many women and men alike have to suffer through abuse from their spouses while their children are trapped in the middle.
“Mommy, are you okay?”
A two-year-old should never have to ask their mother this question when they see her crying, but mine did – often.
Read the full article on JF News.
I grew up pretty spoiled. Fairly normal childhood, loving parents, ballet and piano lessons.... Absolutely nothing to imply that I would wind up married to an abuser at 17.
I got pregnant. Even though I originally didn't want any children, I was excited about it - I have an ability to adjust to change easily because my dad was in the Army and we moved a lot throughout my childhood, so I consider that a blessing.
After my ex and I got married, I constantly wondered why I was unhappy because I thought I had it all - a husband, I was able to stay home with my baby, I wrote my first novel at 19, and I had time for journaling... but I was miserable. I thought it was me.
It is of utmost importance to raise awareness about DV and its effects, both short-term and long-term. If you have news or a guest piece you'd like to contribute, please email jen (at) brokenpublications (dot) com.